Pre-season testing not going well for some.

[Andy S]

For some local drivers the early pre-season testing is already going badly. One in particular, who is obviously contemplating moving to a new division he feels he can dominate more easily, is already finding the competition tough. Early sessions are showing just how much faster the more established drivers in the class are, and that he's going to need to work on his defensive driving over the winter break if he's to stand a chance - in these photos leaked from his behind-closed-doors tests at a secret Central Florida track you can see how his less experienced rivals were streaming down the inside line, and he was powerless to stop them:

[Jane]

Our beloved Boneman and yea, he definitely needs help. Love you Rex

[OLD STYLE RACER 2]

I do believe that Andy has drawn his battle line in the sand.

[Boneman]

Look at that punk in the black kart. He ran me high lap after lap, so I complained bitterly to his mom. That didn't work either.

This photo is deceptive. The driver who is moving up is actually Andy "the Photoshop Pest" S, who tried out the karts in preparation for our next get together there. He got going pretty well too, and with a few more years of practice will be a handful to pass. Remember Andy, Little 500 is like playing the cello; it takes 5 years minimum to reach even the most basic skill level.

Ok, so "that punk" kid is actually my 7 year old. I had a blast driving with him and his little brother on the kids track. I took them to the Turkey Rod Run too, what a day we had!

[Andy S]

Ok, so "that punk" kid is actually my 7 year old. I had a blast driving with him and his little brother on the kids track.

You remember the old saying 'Like father, like son'? When young Steven came running to me and my wife after one of his races, he was brimming with excitement and the first thing he wanted to tell us was 'Did you see me cause two other cars to spin out?'. A chip off the old block...

For what it's worth, I got an absolute schooling out there from the Boneman. It was genuinely eye-opening to see how much faster he was than anyone else out there, particularly me! But looking on the bright side, at least the rest of us got a lot more laps on the track for our $5 than he did. Serves him right for lapping everyone at least twice every race, I say!

[Osmosis Jones]

Don't worry, Andy....

When you've.....

....spent twice the amount of your annual racing budget, on top of 3/4 of your kid's college savings, at that little, epoxy covered, hell hole....spent hours upon hours walking the track and studying each and every little nuance in the surface....bribed every track official employed there on the off chance that one will be on duty the night he challenges unsuspecting victims to "try this little track I found the other day".......bankrolled a group of Muslim extremists to develop a signal intercepting, frequency jamming, human-portable device so he can evade the controller's overide system.....ON TOP OF demoralizing small children (including your own) by repeatedly stuffing them into the inside wall or, worse, the pit gate, after which spouting off one liners learned from thousands of hours of watching "Days of Thunder" reruns.......

.......THEN.....you can compete with the reigning, Lil 500 Champion,

Rex "No Remorse" Hollinger

[Edm]

You remember the old saying 'Like father, like son'?

Did Steven keep blowing the restarts too?

[Andy S]

spent hours upon hours walking the track and studying each and every little nuance in the surface....bribed every track official employed there on the off chance that one will be on duty the night he challenges unsuspecting victims to "try this little track I found the other day".......

Funny you mention that. The track staff did seem to know Rex pretty well, recognizing him the minute he walked up to the gate. I thought that was a bit odd for someone who supposedly only goes there once a year...

[Boneman]

You know why I like going with my kids? They don't whine when they lose! What a difference between going with racing people. All I hear is "I had a slow kart." "Mine had a flat." "I had you beat, but someone spun me out." etc etc... You should hear some of those guys, especially the SLM drivers. The faster their racecars are, the more they make excuses when they get beaten by us: the dregs.

Edm, you should try it some day. Here you can spin out, get hit and NOT have to replace anything. You will be right at home.

Osmo, you are right. I do all those things on a regular basis. The problem is I do them at Speedworld and it doesn't seem to help. By the way, the reigning world champion is NOT myself (believe it or not), but in fact it is Mike Soukup, also known as KARNAC's "Mike45".

Andy, Andy, Andy.... I didn't want to say this in public, but the main reason you are so easy to beat is that you keep driving in the wrong lane, British style. Seriously, this is a place where the "rally line" does not work well.

We'll have to start checking the racing schedules and see if Feb. 21 is open.

[Andy S]

Andy, Andy, Andy.... I didn't want to say this in public, but the main reason you are so easy to beat is that you keep driving in the wrong lane, British style. Seriously, this is a place where the "rally line" does not work well.

The way I see it, if I've paid $5 to use that track then I'm going to use as much of it as possible and not just a tiny strip right around the inside. Plus my 'unique' driving style did have a touch of European flair to it, I thought.

Ah well, at least I live close enough to get some more practice in before February. Even if I get it handed to me by the racers, I can at least try to take down some of the other 'civilians' who'll be there...

[Todd McCreary]

You know why I like going with my kids? They don't whine when they lose!


left unsaid? Rex can only win against 5 year olds.

[Boneman]

Funny thing about Todd Mc; I'll never forget the night he had one of these little $5 races won. Yep, he was all alone in front and was just counting down laps. Then he pulled out and parked because he THOUGHT there might be some damage somewhere on the kart.

T-mac, there is something to be said for sticking with the task and not pulling out until you are through. This happened a few times at Speedworld too. Hey, I just want to see you win more races, and the waitress at IHOP said she wouldn't mind seeing a little more determination from you also. I'm not sure what she meant by that, but it is good advice either way.

[Todd McCreary]

and was just counting down laps. Then he pulled out and parked because he THOUGHT there might be some damage somewhere on the kart.


damn, that's funny.

i'm glad Poole isn't in here playing off of you. the two of you get going and i laugh so hard i can't defend myself.

[Andy S]

He got going pretty well too, and with a few more years of practice will be a handful to pass.

Translation - I weave and meander all over the track and am likely to swerve in front of you with no warning at any time...

[Todd McCreary]

Translation - I weave and meander all over the track and am likely to swerve in front of you with no warning at any time...

as Rex says, he's coming right along.