How men think!

[carolwicks]

How Men Think

A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her
room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area
and noticed! That there was a slight response on the monitor when she
touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small,
recognizable movement. They went to her husband and explained what
happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex
will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband was
skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtain for
privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After
a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.
The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The
husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked?"
OZ

[ancrdave]

A couple was before a judge who was determining the final settlement for their divorce...
The judge says: "I hearby state that the court award this woman a payment of $765 a month..."
The husband says: "Well, that's mighty nice of you, judge... and I'll try to send her a few bucks too whenever I can..."

[Winger]

Why Men don't Write Advice Columns

Why Men don't Write Advice Columns


Dear David:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I
couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady
making mad passionate love to her.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When
I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and
heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious.
He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR.
When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he
was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why
neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd
been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six
months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum
he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him
anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Usk

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding
the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this
helps.

David

[afr]

Why Men don't Write Advice Columns


Dear David:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I
couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady
making mad passionate love to her.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When
I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and
heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious.
He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR.
When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he
was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why
neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd
been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six
months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum
he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him
anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Usk

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding
the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this
helps.

David

some times you have to change the level of penetration to solve the problem a deep routing usually helps

[Jim Fenton]

Golf Balls

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5-Iron golf club wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, “What happened to you?”

“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.

We went to look for them while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.”

“I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow’s arse.

Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’”

“I don’t remember much after that .”

[Trash Inturn4]

One day an elderly retired gentleman was out on his daily walk, he sees a frog and picks it up, the frog says "If you kiss me I'll turn into a beautiful princess and satisfy your every want". Well he puts the frog in his top shirt pocket and continues his walk, the frog yells up to him "hey didn't you hear me, I said if you kiss me I'll turn into a beautiful princess and satisfy your every want" the gentleman says "I heard you, but at my age I would rather have a talking frog".
'