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This came from Robbie Allen at abcmotorsports.com in Az:
During the winter months some of us will be re-building our race cars to get them ready for next season. I thought this list of tools that you may employ will help you with your project.......
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly painted sprint car skins which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to them.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ‘Oh sh — ‘
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally u sed for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
CUT OFF WHEEL: A portable cutting tool used to make metal too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood blisters.
GRINDER: An electric tool commonly used to convert minor touch up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, predictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
BENCH SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a race car to the ground trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper or Kick out.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old style paper and tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for chiseling and opening cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into nonremovable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, tires, shock boots, liquids in plastic bottles, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing that new tee shirt or jeans, but only while in use.
DAMM IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘DAMM IT’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
I hope this helpful list is implimential in helping guide you through your off-season projects.
During the winter months some of us will be re-building our race cars to get them ready for next season. I thought this list of tools that you may employ will help you with your project.......
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly painted sprint car skins which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to them.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, ‘Oh sh — ‘
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally u sed for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
CUT OFF WHEEL: A portable cutting tool used to make metal too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood blisters.
GRINDER: An electric tool commonly used to convert minor touch up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, predictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
BENCH SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a race car to the ground trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper or Kick out.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old style paper and tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for chiseling and opening cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into nonremovable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, tires, shock boots, liquids in plastic bottles, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing that new tee shirt or jeans, but only while in use.
DAMM IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling ‘DAMM IT’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
I hope this helpful list is implimential in helping guide you through your off-season projects.
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